Sunday, December 16, 2007

During and after a No-feeling Phase

There might be a time in one's life when s/he feels no more. This might follow a period marked by an emotional drainage or a sudden change of state e.g. losing a dear one for a heart attack, bankrapcy caused by a sharp stock drop, or even things as bizzare as being framed in a homocide. At the end of the day these seemingly unrelated situations share one thing, that is they take one off guards. When clamities like these strike, one either freezes her/his emotions in an attempt to install a flawless sheild, or s/he unleashes supressed emotions hoping to mitigate the brutality of pain. Either way, the phase that follows migh be the same for both, i.e. It is a no-feeling phase. It is when things start to taste the same, smell the same and feel the same. It is when smiling becomes something one HAS to do instead of WANTS to do, and when living is taken for granted and not as a recurring challenge. Then comes the healing phase accompanied by a series of self-reconstruction and spirituality followed by the-getting-to-normal phase. At this stage one experiences new things, and may be build new chain of acquaintances. That is exactely when confusion strikes! 'do i stick to my guns and keep the wall separating me from my emotions the way it is? Or should i let go of my emotions, drop the sheild for once and blend in without hesitations? Now that i know that nothing is everlasting, be it life, money, not even security, now what?' A wise answer for that would be the prophet's (peace be upon him) saying "work for life as if you'd live forever, and work for the afterlife as if you'd die the day that follows" because these are the things that count!

Monday, December 10, 2007

Ok! Fine! U Win!

I woke up early this morning, i had a plenty of things to do. I hopped into the car, turned on the radio, and there came Maya Nasri's soft voice ' Roo7 iza bitrid la ba'2a tzid hami itrikni b7ali'. Go ahead Maya, make my day! A few minutes later, i joined Relaaax, i tried to talk to her into turning on the radio, Fat chance! She was not gonna let me listen to music in her presence and my attempts went in vein, the poor thing, sa3at a7is ina im being her (6). Before i knew it, i had MCcartey's ' Just so you know' lyrics runnig through my head ...' I shouldn't love you, but i want to, i couldn't look away...' There we go again! Allahuma 6awwilik ya roo7! Two or three hours later, I was diggin into the calorie-rich Hershy's pie while tryin to pretend that i was listening to what my friend was sayin. My mind was somewhere else. I think it showed on my face though. A moment later i was startled by a sound so dear to me, oh! The bastards were playin Blue's ' I wanna' at Burger King where Relaaax and i were havin lunch. The next thing i knew, i was hummin ' you make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall, you make me wanna surrender my soul,...!' Now Relaaax was starring blankly at me, she said nothing, she knows how crazy i could get, so she did not comment on that, or did she?! Again! I was losin it! At the way back home, The radio was on, Marina FM's ancors were taking calls..., 'hello caller, you've been chosen as a contestent for the evening show.../ I TRIED TO GO ON LIKE I NEVER KNEW YOU! I'M AWAKE, BUT MY HEART IS HALF ASLEEP, I PRAY FOR THIS HEART TO BE UNBROKEN, FOR WITHOUT YOU ALL I'M GOING TO BE I.N.C.O.M.P.L.E.T.E!' Hold on! Now what on earth was that? Great! Now i imagine hearin things! That's a good sign! I need to see a shrink, ASAP! >Slap< Back to reality gal! The ancor's voice came alive once again ' that's it for today's show, now i'll leave you with one of Al-Mulla's songs.../ A7ALIFAK BILLAH, GALBIK MA FGAD 5ILA, MASHTAGTILI O MA TA3ABT MIN IL9AD WILFARGA'! What happend to Al-Mulla's? No no no! This aint happenin to me, a nice nap would fix that, right? ' Namat 3iyonik, o 9a7a il leil bma'6nonik a'3ani, ga9at jna7 ithowani '3eibitik, o 9arat ilsa3at a'3aani'... U ****! :)'Kno what? i guess, i'll have to raise the white flag... I Lose... And u, my dearHEART, thy Win!